It’s been a while since I’ve had a debate with the opposite sex about dating. And boy oh boy do I hope most men aren’t so dense and out of touch.
It all started with a post that read “Did you know? Men who respect women are mostly single.” For starters the issue with that statement is that it leads the reader to believe that 1) Respecting women leads to rejection 2) It takes away the autonomy of the man. As if he isn’t single by choice 3) It promotes the nice guys finish last myth and 4) It implies disrespect is what women want; being a jackass is a strategy for getting sex. If respectful men are single who are the men and women in successful relationships? Did you also know? Intelligent people is the more likely to be single and marry later in life.
I’m not naive, we all know a woman who has stayed in a terrible relationship for far too long. We ourselves have experienced bad relationships by dating terrible people. Men are not excluded, some women just suck. For some reason the focus of the male commenters was that women like bad boys. Therefore bad boys must be synonymous with disrespectful males. No woman enjoys being disrespected. Rather, she tolerated a bad relationship in hopes things would get better, not remain the same. In many cases the guy didn’t start off as a bad. More importantly, I believe when a woman is in a bad relationship there is a part of her that doesn’t know better or is broken in some way.
What Women Want Since Most Guys Seem to Know
Balance!! For starters, women want balance. She doesn’t want bad as in abusive or promiscuous. She wants to see strength and leadership skills. She wants to feel protected, not the need to protect herself from you. She wants to know she can rely on you to make good decisions, although she is smart enough to make them for herself. She wants chivalry and/or romance to make her feel comfortable enough to express her feminine side with you. She wants a friend she can relate and rely on because she wants to be that kind of friend to you. The only bad women may want from men are in the privacy of your (marital) bed, maybe some tattoos, swag and playfights that end with kisses.
I debated with two guys who insisted that I, and most, if not all women don’t know whats good for us, lol. We give up sex because being treated like a side-peice is what we want, know or expect. The explanation as to why we enjoy being potato salad and not the filet mignon was not provided. Lastly, an entire industry is thriving because we are so desperate to get into a relationship and for it to work in our favor. If you’re a man that had to disrespect a woman to get her, is that something to be proud of? You’re enabling a broken person to continue in self-destruction. Yayy you I guess.
We are ALL hardwired for relationships and procreation. Sex is not solely for men. Women enjoy sex too that is probably why we have orgasms. I never thought I’d have to remind people of that. The issue is that we are stubborn and rebellious so we decided casual sex will get us to our (immediate goals). Sex does not fix a bad relationship no matter how enjoyable it is. Both men and women have had the false belief that if someone makes our flesh feel good or we do them the favor, he/she will satisfy another area of ones life.
Men and women are different AND we have things in common. You know all those ugly, age old phrases and myths about women? Men embody them too. Such as, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, LIES. If a young man gets his heart broken, you better believe every woman will pay for it. It’s a human to want to protect yourself from being hurt again, emotional pain is harder to bare than the physical. There are droves of men that will disrespect a woman because they witness other guys being successful doing so. And by successful I mean, getting sex and other prizes.
Good girl gone bad *Jigga voice. There are platinum songs about her while the good guys gone bad hides behind pimpology. A man will tolerate heartache but once or twice in his life, women seem to tolerate it a lot more. When Mr. Niceguy is rejected by a woman he grows fangs and label women as irrational beings who don’t know what’s good for them, nor do they appreciate it when good is given to them. As a result, he goes on morphing into a demon-seed. Here’s a big butt, who gets to define what is good or nice? You, me? Men, women? The truth is God gets that liberty. The title of this post came from these other thoughts. Why didn’t Mr. Niceguy go after Miss Goodgirl? He often wants the cheerleader or the girl everyone is after. Its always the “nerd” who gets the title of nice guy and the jock is expected to be the bad boy. You’d be surprised how many ladies Mr. Niceguy ignored to vie for Mrs. Hotgal’s attention. Rather than focusing on getting a trophy why not practice good character. Nice guys may or may not finish last but what’s wrong with waiting? What good even comes of haste?
Nice guys confuse kindness with passivity. Passivity is not attractive, show some confidence in yourself. Confidence does not equate to arrogance. If you like wearing penny-loafers with thick socks, knock off brands or high-waters, wear the heck out of them with a smile.
There’s Still Hope
There are still morally decent, kind men and women out there hiding in their apartments away all these crazy folks (I kid). Still, so many people are hurting because rather than take time out to heal they bandaged pain with sick thinking and revenge on the opposite sex. The next time you find yourself being mistreated, leave. Follow your gut, you never know who is watching how you react to life. You don’t have to second guess yourself. If you find yourself desperate, acting out of loneliness or insecurity you will attract dark minded spirits. The wrong person can smell it from a mile away. If all the things that make a relationship wonderful aren’t being reciprocated by the other half (or by you), singleness should be your destination until you are whole, healthy and happy again.
On the contrary, I am seeing a movement of ladies throwing out their need to be attached someone in order to make self improvements. You go girl!
Check out the responses I received from two guys: