This is a personal topic and it’s probably taboo for me to discuss it because there are readers that know me personally. But my hope is that my story will help or support someone.
Celibacy vs. Purity – Anyone can be celibate regardless of your spiritual identity or lack there of. While purity tends to involve a relationship with God. Secondly, with purity we cut any potential distractions out of our path so that we don’t fall into temptation, think of Matthew 5:29. Being that I already know what my weaknesses are I might as well not set myself up for failure by allowing them in my environment. Lastly with purity there is an understanding that the flesh and the spirit are in opposition to one another. The goal is to let the flesh die daily while allowing the spirit to flourish. Therefore the argument that it is in our nature to want sex is unnecessary because we are also aware that giving into lust will not benefit us in the long run.
I decided to go on a purity journey after breaking up with my last boyfriend, well not technically. I have always preferred to be celibate till marriage but would fall off course because of the usual distractions and pressures. Anyway, the ex and I officially ended our volatile relationship late March/early April in 2015 and it was my best break-up to date because I’ve never felt so free and liberated. After ending such an unhealthy affair there was no where else to go but up. I never had such a dysfunctional relationship in all my life but it taught me: to avoid trying to change anyone, avoid trying to save anyone and avoid binding myself to anyone who is not of the same mind. Opposites do not attract in the spiritual realm my sisters and brothers. This does not mean you avoid helping others who are different from you, but we definitely should not lay with them.
In my experience sex has always been a distraction from getting to know someone on a deeper level (not the case for married couples).
I have practiced abstinence off and on throughout my adult years however I became more diligent about it during the last five months. What makes this time different for me is that it’s a spiritual journey where my goal is to be closer with God and to be a better person through obedience. So far I feel it’s working, this experience feels completely different than my other attempts.
- The most annoying part about the journey has been encountering selfish people, most specifically men (I am heterosexual, not male-bashing). Most guys I’ve dated put more importance on sex or physical connection over developing a meaningful friendship. Some would identify themselves as “nice guys” but to me that was a way to mask their selfish ways. Although sex was not the entirety of the relationships most worldly men behave as if they would melt into a puddle of lust if they couldn’t have it. Which is simply not the case.
- Therefore I’ve decided dating is not for me. Courting yes, dating no. Dating is much too frivolous, risky and more often a waste of time. I’ll list the differences in another post but I encourage you to research the topic for yourself so that your conclusion is unbiased.
- So far the benefits has been my ability to accomplish my goals. I’ve gotten SO MUCH DONE!! There are personal projects (like starting this blog) that I procrastinated on for months, years even that I’ve only been able to make progress with since my life has become quieter.
- I feel liberated because I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why I don’t want to talk about silly things like “what turns me on.”
- Being celibate filtered out the men who aren’t worth it and who I’m not equally yoked with. I loved telling those guys goodbye the most.
- I feel like I’ve grown and became better acquainted with myself. Celibacy also woke me up to unhealthy habits, unhealthy company and much more.
- It’s no fairy tale though, being celibate is a deliberate and proactive process.
- I had to cut off my distractions, like my “go to” texting and hang out buddies.
- I changed what I listen to and watch. This was the easy part only because I haven’t been a big fan of most TV shows and radio stations for several years. Then again this is a growing trend, many of us find popular media uninteresting. Maybe because they treat viewers and listeners as if we’re brain-dead.
- I filtered my social media feeds as well. I unfollowed a few folks because of the content they tend to post.
In all, it takes consistent work but the benefits have been so worth it. In the comment section below let me know if celibacy or purity is something you would try. Why or why not?
What has been inspiring are all the celibate men and women I’ve found on Youtube and other outlets. Take a look:
Thanks for reading.