One day I woke up and realized that everyone is not for me. I don’t only mean in the sense that some people simply won’t like me or “get me”. I’m specifically referring to the idea that some people are not my cup of tea. This is important because for most of my life I tried to make room in my life so anyone can fit into it. Or I would find ways that I could fit into theirs. On the condition the said person actually wants me in their life. If the person didn’t blatantly offend me I’d find a way to overlook minor inconveniences of our relationship. This is how I would manage until I grew exhausted or frustrated. This, my friends is how you live a passive life.
I functioned that because I didn’t want to offend people. Not that this practice helped me to avoid offending people, but I digress. It seemed like when I rejected someone, there was always another person telling me I was wrong, not giving the person a full chance or being mean which caused me to feel guilty. Other times I conjured up the guilt all on my own. I was too busy listening to everyone else, what worked for them but not me.
Practicing the Art of Critical Rejection
I decided to give up on that method. It caused too much discomfort, complaining and displeasure. I’ve come to a place where even the silent offenders will get an eviction notice. Cutting people out of your inner circle or your life doesn’t have to be a dramatic event. For me it’s simply acknowledging that there are conversations I won’t entertain with a particular person. There are invitations I won’t accept, spaces I won’t share and time I won’t spend with him/her. Respect and kindness I’ll continue to give but my energy and time is too expensive because they are finite.
The practice of critical rejection benefits others as well. My discomfort isn’t always the subject at hand. I had a habit of befriending people out of sympathy (and guilt as mentioned); only to abandon ship if being a friend became a chore. This was unfair. As a result, I don’t plan to form any new friendships if both of us won’t be on equal grounds. That’s why we have awesome terminologies such as acquaintance and associates, because titles do matter. Read why I think so here.
The pro of updating my relationship filter is that it diminishes internal conflict for me. The filter helps me to compliment what I think with what I do. I’m sure my previous lifestyle confused people, added to being misunderstood and led others to distrust me. I don’t blame them or me. It just took some time for me to do what I was already thinking about for years. The procrastination was caused by my lack of understanding among other things. So, now that I know better I do better.
Rejection is a part of life that does not have to be a bad word. There really isn’t anything wrong with practicing critical rejection. Yes, even if I’m at the receiving end of the stick. People have a right to make selections according to what works for them. Granted using tact in the process makes the world a better place.
Thanks for reading.