I was on a roll…until a few weeks ago. Then I fell off, hard. I got lazy, lost my passion to work on the things I desire to accomplish and plateaued. Just like that. My work suffered the most during this time. My to do list erupted into a mountain of overdue assignments, bulging email drive and full voicemail. I stopped attending church and spending any significant time studying the word. Spending time with God became an after thought or something I’d get to “after this nap”, I’d tell myself. Then like clockwork, I began to feel spaced out, distant, disconnected and unanchored.
And as always I return back to my truth. I need God, plain and simple. I need Him everyday. When I don’t spend time focusing on that part of my being, all hell breaks lose and everything falls apart. It is what it is and I am who I am. A child of God ya’ll. There were times I probably haven’t lived my life out showing that, but hey all I have is today to fix it.
The benefit of being in this moment is that I’ve acquired more knowledge of “thy self”. Such as what works for me and what doesn’t. Also, being able to identify what the issues are and how to fix them. Earlier in my journey, when chaos would arrive I’d enter the “sunken place”. Anxiety and depression would settle in and I wouldn’t know how to crawl out of my dark place. Initially I didn’t know what those feelings were or what they meant. Therefore applying a remedy was out of the question.
Now that I’m back in a rut it doesn’t feel as devastating. Not that I’m okay with being here but at least I’m more confident that this is temporary. Knowing this helps to ease the anxiety. The fact of the matter is, a worldly life doesn’t work for me. For a person on a journey like mine being disciplined and living like everyone else doesn’t work. You get sucked into things like social media and socializing with folks who might get you off course. I haven’t mastered balance of managing the world and spiritual discipline. I’m still working on it
My system is under construction at the moment, as I continue to do add, subtract and reassess what works and what doesn’t. With that being said. I dedicate this post to anyone who is also under construction, undergoing changes and trying to master the art of adulting. Amen